We thought we should do something special for the all important ‘111’. SO WE’RE DOING ZOWIE (ew, not like that you perverted people you!). We’ve posted about her a shitload already but we kind of just wanted to rant about her after seeing her live this previous weekend at a festival (we can confirm she was our favourite act of the day).
New Zealand, ie; the world’s most irrelevant country, isn’t really known for much other than funny accents, a very high sheep suicide rate and general subservience to Australia. In fact you could say that New Zealand is kind of Australia’s bitch, we just do everything better. Our cities are bigger, our sheep more abundant and our prime minister is younger, prettier and more lesbian than their one. Hell, even our pathetic excuse for a music industry over here is better. Let’s just be real people, Australia wins the trophy for this one.
HOWEVER ZOWIE COULD POSSIBLY STEAL THAT TROPHY.
And what a trophy stealing fiesta that would be. This Zowie we speak of (and we speak of her a lot around here) is from the land of New Zealand (GASP!), is of the female variety (GASSPP!!) and sings electropop tuneage (OH MY GOD!) that has a rocky edge (THIS IS TOO MUCH!). But here’s the worst part guys…. it’s legitimately amazing (SOMEBODY GET ME A CHAIR. I FEEL FAINT!).
But by now you’re probably asking yourself “Why should I give a flying fuck about this ‘Zowina’ chick? She’s from that island not deemed fit enough for Britain to throw their convict scraps onto. Give me a list of reasons or I’m going down to the club to get wasted”. Well Mister angry old man who probably is very close to getting a divorce, it’s your lucky day! BECAUSE WE HAVE A LIST OF REASONS FOR YOU RIGHT NOW.
- Zowie doesn’t abuse sheep.
- Zowie sings high quality pop tuneage.
- Zowie has awesome eyebrows (we’ll have you know that eyebrows are central to one’s success as a popstar- the more you know!!).
- Zowie doesn’t come from just one island not deemed fit enough by the British for convict habitation, SHE COMES FROM TWO OF THEM!
- Zowie is just better than you and you know it.
So if you’re still not convinced Mister angry old man, you can get fucked.
FUCKED BY ZOWIE’S AMAZING POP TUNEAGE.
SOMEONE SOUND THE AMAZING LOW BUDGET VIDEO SIREN.
Of course we could keep on ranting about Zowie, we could rant about her other brilliant tuneage (‘Smash It‘, ‘Bite Back‘, etc, etc, etc), her quite good live performance skills, or even the fact that she played the greatest fucking song EVER at Fat As Butter when we saw her perform called ‘Calculator’ which isn’t even available in studio format yet, BUT WE WON’T. Because, let’s be honest, if all that wasn’t enough to convince you then you’ve got as much taste in music as Christina Aguilera does in making successful career decisions (BADOOM CHING) and therefore shouldn’t be allowed to like the brilliance that is the Zowie.
WE JEST. ALL SHOULD WORSHIP AND HAIL THE TROPHY STEALING ZOWIE.
And that’s a wrap.